Monday, November 16, 2009
Smith resurfaces at Montana health care debate
More than a year after Ken Smith disappeared into the Montana wilderness he has returned to the city he calls home. Smith, looking like the singer from ZZ Top, lambasted Bozeman City Councilwoman Sharon King over her remarks supporting the House version of the health care bill. Smith can't remember many of the details of his whereabouts for the past year. Blah, blah, blah, Obama, blah, blah, blah was all that could be made out.
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BIGFOOT sighting in Montana.
Reuters News Service reports recent sightings of Bigfoot in the Montana hills. The odd appearance of this sighting was that besides the usual hairy neck, this Bigfoot has a noticeable lack of hair on top of its head. In addition, the beast was carrying what appeared to be a 308 caliber Springfield rifle. Mountain man Ken Smith was consulted about the possible sighting. Survivalist Smith stated that it could be a new sub-species and appears to be more intelligent as it covers its footprints with human-like boot prints. Survivalist Smith stated, “The general public should not worry, if I see the dude, I'll dust him with my 308 caliber Springfield.”
“OPEN SEASON”, the movie, has mixed reviews in Montana.
According to Montana residents, the movie, “OPEN SEASON”, could have been titled “Man vs Wild” or “Man vs Terrorists”. Chipmunks use dynamite to wreck havoc on society in the movie. Imagine if that were to happen here, it would threaten our national security said Mountain Man Ken Smith, who the movie producers drew inspiration from to make the movie. Mountain Man said, “Those 4-legged terrorists use stealth, teamwork, and a highly sophisticated form of communication. I wish our National Security Agency would be putting more resources into cracking their communication code. We know that they have weapons of mass destruction out there; we just haven’t found them yet. As we continue to prepare for Y2K, we now have an additional national security threat with these 4-legged terrorists. Combine this with the current shortage of ammunition [political conspiracy?], and it just doesn’t get any easier.”
BLACKOUT in southwestern Montana.
A widespread energy blackout in southwestern Montana was reported the day before Thanksgiving due to a major power line being severed. The blackout disrupted financial computer systems causing banks to close early and sent stocks tumbling. The Montana governor suspected terrorist activity and called in an expert on wildlife behavior – Ken “Mountain Man” Smith. Mountain Man examined the crime scene and concluded that it was definitely the work of those chipmunk terrorists. Mountain Man explained, “I found tooth marks on the severed power line and acorn shells nearby. I also found a bootleg copy of the movie ‘Open Season’ which was really the smoking gun. Those 4-legged terrorists are now using cyber warfare and we need to escalate our effort in the war on terror, our national security is at stake. The President should immediately send in more troops and more fire power including: assault rifles with silencers, night vision goggles, electronic monitoring devices, hand grenades, TNT, C-4, Cuban cigars, Puerto Rican rum, and some Chipmunk Halloween costumes which are useful for our undercover work. We have formed local vigilante groups to deal with the threat and code named the operation ‘Alvin’. We believe that we have identified the ring leader, but he remains very elusive and we will just have to flush him out. It’s through grass roots efforts by the people of Montana in leading the nation and defending the borders against wildlife terrorism that Americans can sleep well at night and sit down to delicious Thanksgiving meal. America, you are in good hands.”
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