Zero Chance- Theoretically it would be impossible for anyone entered in the tournament to have a zero % chance of winning. However, as the commercial says "impossible is nothing" and even though I love her, Mary Jo Crown has absolutely no chance of winning. The dart board actually believes it is on break when Mrs. Crown is launching darts at every angle in the general direction of the board. Sorry Mom. Oh, I almost forgot. There is one other individual that has zero percent chance of winning. KARLY KUBES!! KARLY KUBES HAS ZERO PERCENT CHANCE OF WINNING!! KARLY KUBES WILL BE HIDING FROM THE VENGEFUL WRATH OF THE AUTHOR IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY NO LESS. KARLY KUBES IS APPARENTLY NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE FOLLOWING TERMS: REMATCH, BEST TWO OUT OF THREE, DO OVER, PRACTICE GAME, THIS ONE IS FOR REAL, ETC. (Author's side note that he maintains no hard feelings)
150 to 1- Now I've heard through an inside source that Sheila Pettis (75 to 1 in 2008) expected her odds to improve after a decent showing in 08'. Unfortunately, the chances that she could run together back to back above average performances actually diminishes her chances twofold. It would be like seeing Haley's Comet two straight years.
75 to 1- This category will be occupied by any random person that shows up that usually ask the question "What tournament?" Examples: Random Kubes relatives, Smith relatives, Friends, Neighbors etc. It is highly unlikely that anyone in this category has gone through the exhaustive mental and physical preparation required to win this event or in the case of the Smith Brothers be sober enough to see straight.
50 to 1- Vicki Raabe and Glenn Crown chime in. These former South Dakota State Jackrabbit dart throwers will try and revive the glory of the Jackrabbits after a devastating 3 point loss to the Gophers.
40 to 1- Well, Brett Favre is 40 and he can still throw well. That has to be a tremendous relief to tournament host Deb Kubes. Like Favre, Kubes will need to rely on her cagey veteran skills and tournament experience to pull her through. Earlier this year Carter Kubes coaxed his mother back from retirement by saying "I want you to win one more" (Author's note: Carter is very young and unaware that his mother has actually never won, so to not hurt his feelings please just go with it when you talk to him.)
35 to 1 Love is in the air. Jenny Raabe and Tracey Raabe are no doubt too consumed with thoughts of unicorns and rainbows and cotton candy and their beau's to be really serious about a dart tournament.
30 to 1 Jackie Crown. Need to be careful with this one. She is reading this over my shoulder at the moment. You are a really good dart player. Yes, I agree, whatever you say, boys listen to your mother.....moving on...
25 to 1 Continual tournament disappointments "Handsome" Dick Crown and Curt Raabe enter the mix. Keep in mind both of these players own dart boards and have a considerable amount of experience. "Handsome's" greatest moment continues to be when he pushed his son to the brink of elimination in 07' only to be denied by the "phenom". Only outdone by blowing a 3 shot lead on hole 18 at Valley View in 06' to "the mechanic" and the "phenom" on a par 3 nonetheless. You get the point.
5 to 1 Here come the perennial favorites. "Never Nervous" Nick Pettis actually changed his job as a full time teacher to "technology czar" at Black Hawk Middle School to give himself more time to work on his dart game. Nick has been runner up in the past and many feel it is just a matter of time before his name is etched on the plaque of fame.
4 to 1 It's all former champions from here on. The Author still believes he has the goods to bring home a championship. Yes, he tasted defeat by the aforementioned KARLY KUBES, but was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Not even close.
3 to 1 Obviously I found it more than conspicuous when 08' champion Joe Kubes showed up at my door at 7pm last evening unannounced. Seeing that it is roughly 300 miles from my house to his I found his excuse "I was just in the neighborhood" slightly alarming. Clearly realizing his gaffe he changed his tune to something far more believable like "I have a presentation at the casino tomorrow". Right. It is obvious Kubes was in town 10 days before the tourney to scout the person he considers his biggest competitor. He was clearly sneaking around and asking peculiar questions in an attempt to get a handle on the readiness of yours truly. I didn't even mention that he brought switchblade knives as presents for my 6 and 8 year old sons. Is this some type of conspiracy? Am I going to take a knife wound to the index finger from one of my own children in exchange for Bakugan toys or Wii video games? I am concerned.
2 to 1 And then there was 1. Jason "the mechanic" Raabe, the only player with 2 titles, has all the intangibles to win another. May have to break out the let's get the kids to get Jason to play Spy with them so he misses his turn strategy.
Good Luck to all!!!
1 comment:
Ummm, the Germans never bombed Pearl Harbor, genius.
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